This is the End….

My time here is through…I don’t even know how to describe the feelings I am having.

My husband found out about the blog and everything therein.

A couple weeks ago I was going to bed, and he asked if a password has changed on an email account that I used to sign up our phone company. At first I didn’t think much of it, except for the fact that there may have been emails in there to or from me and S.

Uh-OH.

So I try not to panic but deep down inside I know that this may lead to some problems. He questions why I changed the password, and I really couldn’t come up with an explanation.

As he goes through he sees some emails from S…

Uh-Oh…

He asks me about the emails. Then somehow we got into talking about the guys I chat with online.

I said Yahoo. He asked what Yahoo I use, and I told him about one of the yahoo addresses I use. It was really kind of crazy, because I literally was opening up a big can of worms. I don’t know why I didn’t lie about which yahoo I used for it. So he logs into it.

Immediately he begins asking who is who. Stranger, Number (someone I have been with), acquaintance, high school, etc. I start giving him answers. Within the emails there was an email from the Writer, talking me about one of my blog entries.

Uh Oh

I lied. I said it was a blog I wrote about our sex life and I told him I deleted it.

He moved on to the next list of emails, but boy I was freaking out.

Then I went to the bathroom, and when I came back to my room, my husband is looking at me…with an angry, unsettling, hurt look in his eyes.

He asked me to come to him, and place my ear to his heart, and asked me how it was beating. It was out of control….at the same time my ear is on his chest, I see his computer screen and I see a tab only, but that was enough, it was what I had been hiding the last 2 years…my blog, and the dreaded title “Word to the wise married folk… suck cock & eat pussy…or someone else will!”

My heart sunk. I knew this was it. He was either going to divorce me, or give me the chance to let me work things out with him. It was absolutely devastating.

Now mind you, when all this started it was probably about 1 in the morning. He begins to question me…

“What the hell is this!!!??? I thought you said it was deleted???!! Is this stuff true?!!? What the fuck!?”

I could tell he was hurt, angry, confused, bewildered. It was so much information in so little time. I tried answering questions as best as I could. I lied a lot trying to cover my ass, only to give myself away in my blog. It was all so traumatic….for the both of us, but I am sure for him more so than I, since I am the one that caused the havoc.

We were up ALL NIGHT and DAY about 36 hours straight; with very little break here and there.

I didn’t know where our marriage was going. It was really really bad. I had done the one thing that could devastate someone so much, and here we were going through this. He was up and down over that 36 hour period…he would get angry and make me feel like lower than dirt (deservingly so). Then he would be hurt, in tears and just tell me how much he loves me and why I was doing this to us, and how he couldn’t believe it. Then hysterics, almost laughing ( and not in a humorous way) at how unbelievable this all was. We were exhausted.

I have broken the trust of the one man who truly truly loves me, and the one man I truly truly am in love with. I’m such a fucking idiot! Why did I let myself do this, why did I allow myself to be that girl I swore I would never be.

If I could go back, I would never have done the blog, or gotten involved with any of these men.

As much shit that I talked about my husband, I never wavered in my love for him, and in all honesty, he is the best thing that ever happened in my life. If you have followed my blog from day one, you know that my husband never cheats on me, and never would; because he has to be in love in order to go all the way. I knew better than to EVER think he would go along with an open marriage.

Sure, there are girls that he chats with sometimes, who send him photos, it’s easy to do since my husband is in the entertainment industry and he has “groupies” that aren’t really groupies, because he doesn’t meet with them, but they chase after him with the same ferocity. But I never let that part bother me because I always knew in my heart he would never cheat on me.

And what do I do? Totally shit on my husband’s love and trust for me. He will never be able to see me go run an errand, pay a bill, go to the store, anything, without thinking that I am meeting someone…and that’s just horrible. I would never want anyone to feel that way.

And now other people are involved.

He has called/emailed peoples wives/girlfriends and told S’ job about our indiscretion at his job, for which he will probably get fired for.

But you know what? I don’t feel bad for the guys, I feel bad for their counterparts. The guys knew what they were doing. They are grown men who CHOSE to do what they did with me, so I won’t take on the guilt for whatever happens to them, because THEY chose THEIR path; Just as I unfortunately chose mine.

When my husband started to read my blog, I could see the hurt, the anger in his eyes. I felt like such an asshole. I am such an asshole. He would read stuff to me out loud, and I realized that I really made him sound so bad, when he really wasn’t.

When I started my blog, my husband and I were going through some really personal family issues and stress that easily could affect a person’s mood and actions. I allowed myself to believe that he should have coped the same way as I did, and that wasn’t right. None of this was right.

I’ve never believed in open marriages. And honestly from the blogs I have subscribed too, so many of these open marriages have fallen apart, even after years of being in an open marriage. In the 2 years I have been doing this, I have seen 4 marriages fall apart. And these were people that had been doing this lifestyle for years and seemed like they knew what they were doing. And the ones that haven’t ended in divorce yet, you aren’t happy either. Your blogs consist of the sex your still not getting, or the problems you are having being involved with other people outside of your spouses. So even if you do happen to get laid, you are still unhappy and seem a bit dysfunctional. I will take my husband and my life over yours any day!

I have always believed once a cheater always a cheater. I always believed that if you truly were in love with someone you would NEVER cheat on them no matter the circumstance. But because I let my selfishness and my ego from the 18,000+ reads on my blog, I liked to keep pushing my true beliefs aside. I even would go so far as to exaggerate some things in order for it to make good reading, which sucks, because my husband doesn’t know what to believe anymore.

I was honest and I told him 98% of everything was truth except for a thing here or there, like for example, my oral experience with S…I never had an orgasm. But I didn’t want the fantasy of my first oral experience in 3 years to be a dud, so when it came time to write the blog I lied and said that I came.

My selfishness, my ego for comments and followers almost cost me my marriage. I say almost because after all this hurt and deceit I brought upon my husband he STILL loves me, and chooses to spend his life with me.

He forgives me, even after everything he has read. After everything I have done, he STILL loves me, and wants me to be his wife. I am so very lucky to have him. I’ve never loved anyone like I love him, and I almost threw it all away.

So this is goodbye and good riddance forever.

Oh…Em… Gee… Something got into the hubby!

Thursday night I had gotten out of the shower, and as I sat down on the bed, getting ready for bed, my hubby, who was over at his computer, told me to lay down on the bed, naked on my back.

I was like, Um, Ok… who am I to argue with a man wanting me to lay back naked? He handed me the camera, and told me to hold it above my face as I lay there on my back. When suddenly out of nowhere, his face went down between my legs.

I was so confused. I didn’t know what to do; I had so many emotions running though my head. I wanted to cry, I wanted to laugh, I wanted moan, it took everything in me to get it together. Once I realized he wasn’t playing a trick on me, that this was really happening, and he was going to town on my pussy, I relaxed and enjoyed it.

OH MY GOD did I ever. He had his face buried between my legs, licking my pussy, my tiny clit that loves to hide, sucking my juices, licking my pussy up and down like he was thirsty and my wet pussy was the only thing that could quench his thirst. His arms holding onto my legs not letting me squirm away. I couldn’t believe this was happening! Finally! What a release! What a wonderful early Christmas gift!!! I didn’t know what got into him, and I didn’t care! He was giving me something I longed for from him for so long, and I was taking in every single second of it! I wanted to just spread my legs farther and farther apart, every part of my body tingled.

As I was getting close to cumming, I thought, God, I don’t want to cum, because this feels too damn good. I wanted it to last forever! I was getting closer and closer and then WHAM, I came, and boy I came HARD. I had THE BEST orgasm I have probably had EVER!!! I was so loud, I wouldn’t be surprised if the neighbors heard me, even with my windows closed!

He didn’t stop there, he kept licking my pussy even AFTER I came, holding my legs tight, driving my sensitive pussy crazy! He then got up on me and slid his hard cock into my dripping wet pussy. It felt so damn good! We just looked into each other’s eyes, it was all so very intense. When he was getting ready to cum he got off of me and said, “Come here, suck me”. I did, almost not making it in time to get his cum. I sucked and licked, and swallowed, and then laid my head on his stomach. It was so fucking hot!

Then the craziest thing happened…about 15 minutes later after laying there naked and talking, he was hard again, he wanted to make love to me again, and I was all for it. I laid back and slid his hard cock inside me, and we just stared into each other’s eyes intently. Taking each other in. I could feel his cock hitting my G-Spot and I lifted my legs back a little more, I couldn’t believe I was going to cum for a second time, it was crazy. It must have been feeling that damn good to him too, because he ended up cumming first, so I didn’t get to cum a second time, but it was ok with me.

That is one thing my husband is pretty good at, and that’s making me cum first, and he had already done that and then some when he licked my pussy to orgasmic heaven 15 minutes earlier. We laid together there together, drifting into sleepiness and relaxation. I couldn’t believe it. 4 ½ years….it was the best thing I could have waited for…. I hope it will happen again someday…but for now, I am just so happy it has happened.

Kinky Thanksgiving… Boy was I Thankful…

What a thanksgiving. Let me start from the beginning. Wednesday night/ Thursday morning 4am; I just got done cleaning house, my hubby put the turkey in to start a nice slow roast and we head to our room. I’m laying in bed, exhausted from preparing the house all day and night. You see our house had a pipe burst 2 months ago and the cleaning crew finally finished the last of the construction/clean up on Tuesday evening which left just Wednesday to clean up the mess before company on Thursday.

Needless to say, at 4am the last thing I thought hubby was going to want was sex. But oh how he surprises me sometimes.

I’m dozing a bit and he looks over at me and says his usual “wanna do stuff?” I was shocked…I said now? At 4 in the morning? He said “Yea”

I thought about it for a minute, and how irritating it is that he can want it at any time and I am supposed to say yes, and if I want to at any other time, he gives some lame excuse. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t HAVE to, if I don’t want too, he isn’t that way. He wouldn’t give me shit about it or be an asshole or anything. But in a sense I DO HAVE TO, because if I don’t jump at the opportunity who knows when the next time will be.

I say ok, and we get undress. And although I am quite tired, I feel a bit sexy and playful. I play to him and he gets the camera and starts taking pictures. I start playing to the camera. He starts getting excited and telling me about how he wants me to let him film me and make the video to send to S. But this time he wants to film me on top of him, fucking him, but playing to the camera as if it were S.

I was surprised. After the other night, I thought he was done with the thought of S getting a video from me. He told me that although he did say he didnt want to send anything, after he had cum that night, he was still turned on by the thought of me sending S a video and him seeing all of me.

So I got on top of him and started to ride him. My hair is down, long flowing, its about to the middle of my back, which is the longest its been in years. I always wold cut it,  and I usually wear it up in a clip just to keep it out of the way because of the kids and stuff, but tonight I let it down, and even that made me feel sexy.

He wants me to talk to the camera. He wants me to say things like my hubby wants me to show S how I look while I fuck, and my face while I cum.

Now here is my problem, I love this idea, and I am getting into it, but he keeps going on about how S hasn’t seen me naked in 15 years and how I look now compared to then. And obviously S has not only seen pics and video, he has seen me in person when he ended my frustrations of no oral sex and licked my pussy last year. Of course there is NO FUCKING WAY I am letting him (the hubby) know any of that!!!

At least I am truthful about the 2 times S and I fucked. The first time was in the dark, and when he put the condom on he lost his erection so it didnt last long, and the second time we fucked he came pretty quick, so I wasn’t naked long.

I continue to play along and ride my hubby good. I am getting so turned on by what he is wanting me to do, and my husband’s telling me how fucking sexy I am, and how he loves my long hair. I look at his face and he has this look on his face, this look of I am a man taking his woman (even though I was on top), just this fuck me face, or like he is thinking “yea you dirty little whore, fuck me” face is the best way I could describe it. And I fucking LOVED every minute of it. Apparently we got so turned on that he ended up cumming quick while I was on top, which never usually happens. Usually he can last until I cum.

He apologized, and told me that I just looked so fucking sexy and was moving so good, that he even tried not looking at me! hahaha That actually made me laugh. Unfortunately I did not cum, but I was ok with that. It was almost 4:45 in the morning and I had to be up by 8:30am. I literally passed out with all these sexy thoughts in my head.

I woke up and its Thanksgiving day. A long day at that, by the evening though, I wanted to give it another go with the hubby and this video. I mentioned to him earlier in the evening that I would like to maybe try stuff again that night, and he actually said to me, that it depended because he was exhausted. WHAT?! Fuck off. (I didn’t say that, but boy was I thinking it).

I said to him that it was 4 in the morning this morning and I was exhausted but still managed to get it on. And with that I walked away annoyed.

Its now bed time, and the hubby decided it was a good idea after all. We go through the usual of me getting undressed, him taking pictures, ad then he lays back. As I start rubbing his cock, he starts telling me what he wants me to do. How he wants me to look into the camera and tell S that I wanted him to see how I look while I fuck on top and see my face as I cum.

I get on top of him and start fucking him good. Really getting into what he wants me to do. Then he starts asking me questions, about getting turned thinking about fucking another guy, and if I want to fuck S. I am usually hesitant to answer those types of questions for fear of getting it thrown back in my face, but I could tell that’s what he wanted to hear.

I am starting to see just how turned on he is getting about all this. So I went with it. I told him how I want to fuck S, how I want him to see me get fucked by another man, cum on top of another man, make another man cum all while he watched. And boy the look on his face; It was a repeat of the early morning fuck me face, the look of yea, you dirty girl.

I fucking loved it.

Then he said something that didn’t shock me, because the thought crossed my mind, but it did surprise me a little that he wanted me to do it.

He told me that when I was ready to cum, to say S’s name. Tell him I was cumming, loud and pretend it was S. Calling his name and all.

I went with it, and boy did I ever cum hard and loud and call out S’s name like if I were really fucking him. I slowed up and looked at my husband’s face, and boy was he ready to pound me.

I got off of him and lay back on the bed, and he could not wait to slide his hard cock into me, fucking me so hard, with such intensity. Telling me how fucking sexy I was, God it was good. He came pretty quick and with that, we laid there sticky sweaty and fulfilled.

I don’t know if the hubby will really edit this thing and actually want me to send it. I don’t think he will, just because he didn’t want me sending video of me without my face. This video is my face, my tits, me cumming, I mean it’s all of it.

At this point Im just enjoying this kinkier side of the hubby… I need to just let it go, and start getting off the dirty ways that I want with him. I think he will surprise me. ;P

Here’s to hopin!

Breaking the Rules…

S and I have been emailing each other here and there, nothing too exciting except that last week we decided to bet on a football game. Our teams are total rivals and so we love to give each other crap when it comes to football and our teams.
If I won, this is what I emailed him:

“WHEN my team wins, u send me a naughty video of u sitting in front of a mirror stroking your hard cock AND coming!! Your face is optional although u can trust me and I would love to see all of u”

Then his response was:
“Well, I want a video of you rubbing that sweet pussy and if possible getting yourself off with something other than your fingers. Also need some tits action too. If I win…”

I lost.

A week went by, and I emailed him to ask how his weekend was, and he basically said it was great, and teased me about a certain bet he won. He told me if I didn’t want to go through with it that he would understand, but wouldn’t let me live it down lol.
I told him that I was no welcher, and that he would get his video, but it was difficult to put one together when the hubby is always home.

Wednesday the hubby was going to lunch with a friend of ours, I was supposed to go, but our younger kids were being a bit awnry so I decided to stay home. After the kids went down for a nap, I thought, hmmm, what the hell, I should make that video.

I got naked, took my toys out, laid back on the bed naked, and immediately was so turned on. I started filming myself. First my breasts, pushing them together, pulling my nipples. Then down to my spread legs, and pussy. I grabbed my toy cock and got up. I filmed myself as if I was getting it doggy style (one of my most favorite positions that my hubby does not do). I then lay back down, got some more titty shots, and then the main event.
I laid back, spread my legs and started using my cock, rubbing my wet pussy, and then sliding it inside my pussy. I started fucking my pussy so good and hard, it was terrific. I came so good and hard.

I copied the movies over to my laptop, and left the originals on the camera. I decided that I would be kinky and surprise the hubby with a view of naughty videos, leaving him wondering who they were for.

Later that evening my hubby calls me up to our room. I sit on the bed, not even thinking about what was on the camera because he seemed a bit annoyed. I guess he had me fooled.
He says to me…”you wanna do stuff?”

I said, “ok” I got undressed, as did he, and as I lay back on the bed he crawled right on top of me, and started kissing my body, sucking on my nipples (something I have missed and longed for, for a long time). I was in heaven.

He starts asking me if my pussy was sore (since giving birth 5 weeks earlier) and I said no, I was fine. He keeps kissing on me and starts asking me about the video. He wanted to know if I made it for anyone other than him.

I coyly said maybe. I know the idea of other guys seeing me naked turn him on. I have a flickr account with TONS of pics and video, and he loves when I post things on there without telling him so it surprises him. The mistake I made was telling him the truth about who else I was sending it to.

I told him it was S. He stopped immediately. He said S! Wait, isn’t he a number? (A number is what he refers to as guys that I have slept with from my past). I said yes. He immediately got off of me and the bed and started pacing. He said, “No, not a number! You cannot do his with a number! That’s someone you know! And someone you’ve been with!”

I said “What does it matter, I don’t live near him, we won’t ever see each other!”
But he didn’t care. He said, “You know that our rule is, we have no contact with any numbers.”

Which was true, that was a rule (although I didn’t really agree with it), but I went a long with it out of respect for our relationship. I cut everyone out of my life that I had slept with. I have slept with about 30 guys, my hubby was 31. I only talked with probably 5 or less of them, and were only friends with them, but I went ahead and stopped talking to them.

All except S. Now you are probably asking yourselves, how would he know who I had been with…well, I kept a list in my journal. He saw it. He recognized some of the names on it as friends I had at the time. So there ya go.

He was telling me how “fucking hot” the videos were and how he was ready to fuck the shit out of me because it was so hot. But he was so taken aback about me wanting to send it to S.
He said if it as for total strangers or the Flickr account, he could handle that, but people we know and ESPECIALLY numbers are totally off limits.

I just laid there. Quiet.

Why on earth did I tell the truth? I suppose a part of me was testing him. To see what he would say or do. He asked me if I had sent it to him, and I lied…well sort of.

I sent S a sample of a couple of the vides edited together. Probably about a minutes worth. To which S replied:
“Uuuummmm… Wow. Immediately erect and wanting more than just a video…”
Just the reaction I wanted to get out of him lol

Hubby then asked if I had ever sent S any pics or videos I lied again and said no. I knew better than to answer yes. Although, as it stood, it looked as if he were going to have me cut off my relationship with S anyway, so what would it hurt to answer yes? I suppose I didn’t want a fight.

He eventually made his way back to the bed. He said that when we text or chat to people that they are strangers on purpose and it’s a thing we do to add a little excitement to our relationship.

I said to him “I shouldn’t HAVE to do it period! (the chatting/texting), I should be able to be all hot and excited just by you. ALSO, I find it a bit annoying that our sex life basically is NOT exciting. I get nothing out of you.”

He said “I know I know. Its because by the time I have you in the room, I have already got myself all worked up by seeing your pics/vids and stuff”.

I told him that sucks, and I am going to need more out of him, because sometimes I don’t even want to got through with sex because its so blah.
He said he would work on it.

And with that, he was on top of me again, kissing on me, asking me how this came about between S and I , and I told him about the bet. He asked about some of the videos that showed my face, and I told him I as going to edit that part out because I don’t ever send anything to anyone that has my face.

He asked me why, and I told him that the last thing I wanted was to have his wife find it, and know its me, or anyone to identify that it is me. No way!
So as he was getting himself all worked up again, he said, you should let me film you, and film all of you including your face and make you send that as punishment. He said all guys want to see a woman’s face as they cum, and I guarantee S would too.

Of course, he did not, he was definitely still bugged about the fact that I was in contact all this time with someone I had past relations with. I can’t even imagine what would happen if he ever found out about S licking my pussy. That was a real life pussy shot lol.

He did fuck me, and fuck me hard at that, which I did like a lot. I felt his intensity, I felt his anger as he looked in my eyes and pounded his hard cock into me. That was better than a fucking camera in my face.

Anyway, we haven’t talked about it since. He basically has told me not to send the video or have contact with S. I probably more than likely will ignore his request.

Is it ok that I WANT to be Mrs. Robinson?

I went to the grocery store the other day, with the hubby, and 4 of our kids. He was pushing two, and I had the newborn and our 2 year old.

I was in the meat section, trying to get what I need for my recipes I had saved. I was looking for a specific cut of meat so I turn around and I see this GORGEOUS young blue eyed guy, in a butchers outfit walking towards me. He couldn’t have been more than 21 years old! I literally just stopped, stood there and stared at him. He looked at me, smiled and said, “Can I help you?” And oh my, like a movie, all these wonderful dirty thoughts that just went through my head! I stopped gawking and asked him for the cut of meat I needed and he said he would go look for it, that he would be right back.

I was so taken aback by him. I thought to myself, oh how I could teach you a thing or two! LOL He came back, smiling, nodded his head once as to say, oh hey there you are, and walked towards me. He showed me where the meat was that I was looking for, I said thank you and smiled, and he said you’re very welcome and smiled and walked away.

Is it wrong that I am 35 years old, and lusting after this kid? I say kid because in all reality I really don’t know how old he is. I say no more than 21, and all I think is please let him at least be over 18 lol. I don’t want to be one of THOSE women! You know the teachers that start having sex with students! YUCK!

I feel strange I suppose, because even though I have been with a younger guy (I was 28 and he was 19), someone this guys age would be waaaay more of an age gap. But man he was hot. I think I am going to go to the store today. I want to see him again….and if I do, I am going to ask him his age…just because.

Whole new meaning to bedside manner…

Even though I talk a lot of shit about the hubby on here (well deserved btw), he does have his moments of kinky that I love.

About a month and a half before giving birth, we had just moved to our new town, and because I had some medical issues with my pregnancy, my doctors from my hometown told me to immediately go to the hospital and check in, so they can make sure the baby and I were doing well.

So we did just that. I was about 8 months pregnant, and we went to the local hospital. We moved to a small town, population about 28,000. Needless to say the hospital was not very busy. Which I love!

Anyway, we checked in, they gave me an IV and antibiotics because apparently I had a bladder infection I wasn’t aware of; I just figured the baby was making me pee every 15 minutes like a pregnant woman does.

Hubby stayed by my side the whole time, we ended up being there 6 hours. During the 6 hours though, hubby got kinky. I was in a hospital gown naked and he wanted me to lift it up so he could take all kinds of pictures of me.

Laying back, gown up, tits showing, legs spread, he was getting so turned on, I thought he was gonna jump on me lol.

He takes a bunch of pics, and then goes and sits down, just in the nick of time as a nurse comes in to check on me. She leaves and hubby comes up next to me and asks, “So you think you could make yourself cum?” I said “Are you serious?” And sure enough he was. He got the camera and started filming.

So I lie back, and position myself to where I could cover up quickly if need be. We had to stop at one point because the nurse came in. Luckily we could hear when someone got near the door. She was out in less than 60 seconds and we resumed our little kink fest.

I was getting close to cumming and I could see him getting so turned on. He was rock hard…it was such a turn on. I wanted to pull his cock out and start sucking him off not caring who walked in. I didn’t, but I wanted too…

I tell him I am gonna cum, and as I started coming, he gets real close to me, slides his fingers up my inner thigh and into my wet pussy. He just starts finger banging me with my orgasm. Then he starts kissing me, tongue and all. He was so worked up. I wish I could have him like that all the time! We never kiss with tongue anymore, so when I eventually can get it, I love it.

He went and sat back down, and I put the blankets over me, and that was it.

If I would’ve thought about it, I would’ve offered to suck him off in the bathroom, since we had a private one, but then again, I was hooked up to an IV and the machine that monitors contractions and the baby’s heart rate, so it may have proven difficult.

So you see, hubby can get kinky, I think I just need to get us into some more situations and be more aggressive as well. Not take no for an answer so easily. Go from there… Thoughts?

The Lies We Tell…

I have come face to face with the liar I am in love with. He is the liar I married. He is the liar I had children with. He is the liar I devote my wifely duties to everyday, cooking, cleaning, changing diapers and disciplining kids.

So why am I with him? Well…because folks, I suppose I am a liar too. Maybe not the same type of liar, but a liar none the less.

I lie to myself all the time. If you read this blog, and read my life on facebook you would smirk and laugh at the double life I lead. On second thought, perhaps you wouldn’t laugh…you might feel sorry for me…maybe even shed a tear.

You see, my whole life I have wanted the perfect man. The fairytale happily ever after story, and now, I am in marriage number two. Trying to chase and live the “perfect life”. Living my well crafted lie of a life; Husband & Wife, kids, pets, and a house with the white picket fence on a cul de sac.

The problem is, I am human, and being human causes me to feel. So when I start to be deceived by the one person who is supposed to be the closest person to me, I get hurt.

Like I was talking about in my last blog, my hubby likes to talk random chicks out of their clothes, and occasionally he talks to them on the phone. Well, the other day, I went online to see why our cell bill was so high. And there were these phone calls to Germany and Brazil. I was a bit annoyed because of the obvious…he is talking to chicks, but also, the fact that international calls cost an arm and a leg on cell phones. So here I am, wrestling with the idea to say something or not to say anything. If I say something he will think I am checking on him (which I was NOT), but that’s what he will think anyway. And if I don’t say anything, I will be pissed off because of the extra $100 bucks we are coughing up that we really cannot afford.

I decided to bring it up. I said to him “I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want a fight, but if you are going to call people from Germany and Brazil, you need to get some other plan.”

He flipped out, yelling and screaming. “What! Brazil?! I didn’t call anyone in Brazil!” I already knew about the Germany girl, so he didn’t argue that. I told him I didn’t care, but the money was too much. He kept adamantly denying that it wasn’t him. The problem was, he was convincing, except for the fact that I KNEW he was lying. He kept going on and on about how he was going to call our cell provider and argue the charges. It was all really dramatic and over the top. I almost wanted to laugh. The thing is, there wasn’t a reason to lie. That was what perturbed me the most.

So I let it go, but it bugged me more that he was lying about it. So this time, I was checking on him and saw that he called the number again, and when he went to the bathroom, his cell phone was next to the bed. I went on it, and looked at his dialed numbers, and sure enough, there it was, a number to Brazil.

What a moron. Why wouldn’t he delete it, knowing that I already said something about it. Perhaps he convinced himself that he was that good of an actor that he fooled me, so he didn’t care to delete it. I don’t know. All I did know was that I was FURIOUS. So I let him have it. I kind of chickened out I suppose because I did it via email, but I knew if I tried to do it in person, I wouldn’t get a word in edge wise, and then I wouldn’t get to say everything on my mind. Here is what I wrote:

FROM: CuriousBetty
TO: Husband
Sent: Tuesday, November 01, 2011 1:00 PM
Subject:

I wasn’t going to write you, or bring this up, but I can’t help but feel shitty and I don’t have the energy to bring it up to you in person.

Why do you feel it necessary to lie to me? ESPECIALLY over something that isn’t a big deal.

I told you on Saturday to not ever lie to me, because of past lies. And you said you wouldn’t, but then immediately the next day you do. WHY?

I don’t get it.

I feel like I will NEVER be able to believe what comes out of your mouth. It makes me doubt your love, It makes me doubt us.

I told you when I brought up the cell call, that I was afraid to bring it up because I felt like you think I am checking up on you. And I was NOT. I was trying to figure out why our bill was so damn high (Which by the way, I don’t know what plan you have with cell international, but apparently its not worth it. Its already $100 OVER). Then you GO OFF about how you didn’t make ANY calls to Brazil. WHY lie about it? I don’t understand? Why tell me the truth about Germany, but not Brazil? It doesn’t make sense.

It makes me wonder what else you will lie to me about, if you lie about the small stuff that I am “ok” with.

Perhaps it’s a sign. Maybe you want me to leave? You have this track record of lying to me, not wanting to make love to me, having this insatiable need to look at naked pics of other women, and to talk to other women on the phone. How do you think this all makes me feel? Even if you aren’t out there cheating on me, you are emotionally cheating on me. I can keep saying it’s ok for you to get these chicks naked, but I have told you this before, I think talking on the phone is over doing it.

Is this my life? Is this how our marriage is going to be for the next 50 years? I can’t imagine my life without you, as a family with our kids, but then, I just don’t think I can imagine my life being with a man who feels the need to lie about things I pretty much have put up with, been ok with and know about anyway.

I don’t think I can handle that emotionally.

Maybe I just need to do the same thing you are. Find some guys to make things exciting for me, to text and call me so I can feel wanted and excited. Is that what I need to do? I’m serious.

How do I handle this? How do I make myself stop feeling this way? I can’t talk to anyone about it, because people would just think I am crazy putting up with what you feel the need to do. So, I am going to the source…what do I do? And don’t tell me, oh just don’t worry about it. Tell me HOW I can feel better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Of course, he did not respond. He was pissed though. He did not like to be called out on this. We still haven’t talked about it, but I feel better saying what I said. Even though the email was filled with emotion, just writing all that made it better in my heart. It allowed me to call him out on his lies, as well as pretty much tell him, “hey, if you’re doing it, I’m doing it too”.

We avoided each other most of the day, but by the end of it, life was back to normal. That night he went to use the internet at a fast food place because our internet is out. Of course I knew it was to call Brazil and download who knows what. But I didn’t care. I was over it. I said my piece. He knew he was caught in a stupid lie, I said what I needed to and now, it was fair game, I was gonna play the game too, he was warned.

Anyway, he called me on the way home from his internet trip and he was talking about how he was talking to a mutual friend of ours and just catching me up. He ended it with saying, (jokingly) “yea, he’s outta town right now…in Brazil” I laughed a stupid laugh like huh huh huh, you’re so funny. And he mocked me by doing the same. It was his way of telling me who he also talked too during his internet trip. I will take what I can get. If he feels the need to joke about it in order to tell me that he talked to Brazil, then I will go with it.

Now I am on the prowl. I need a job, I need a social life. And as I said before…CuriousBetty is getting her groove back!

Curious Betty needs to get her groove back!!!

I know, I know, I dropped off the face of the earth for a while there. Gimme a break, I had a baby

Well, I am back. Not that there is much to report, but at least I can vent a bit and get everyone all caught up. J

We successfully moved cross country after a LONG trip. Being 7 months pregnant didn’t help any. I’ve also delivered a healthy baby boy a few weeks ago. So now what? I’m no longer pregnant, but I must tell you, for the first time in a VERY long time, I have NO sex drive whatsoever. Not that I think it would make a difference to my husband who still never wanted to have sex when I did.

The fact that I just gave birth a couple weeks ago and the fact that we don’t want any more kids, I am sure will hold him off even longer than usual.

I am a little annoyed right now, because as I have said in past blogs, my husband has a thing for talking chicks out of their clothes. I would go through different phases where it would bug me one day and then not bug me the next day. We have fought about it, talked about it, made good about it, but for some reason I am just really bugged today.

Last night we had a conversation about this, and I said I was ok with it, because he says he loves me, and he doesn’t want to be with anyone else, that it’s the challenge of getting these chicks to send him naked pics. They are always girls from either other countries or out of state, so I know they will never meet, so why am I so pissed off about it today?

I suppose it’s because I feel like, I am not enough. It makes me feel like I am not enough to satisfy his sexual needs, but at the same time, he doesn’t ever want too, and he doesn’t satisfy MY sexual needs, so it almost seems like, what’s the point? I am sure these pregnancy hormones are still plaguing my system. It’s really only been about 2 ½ weeks since I gave birth, so I am sure I am not in my right state of mind at the moment. lol

I am also missing my friends and family from back home. I suppose I am a bit lonely. I shouldn’t be lonely, but I am. I need to get out and socialize. Make some friends, get out of the house, and have some me and friend time.

It’s so difficult to make friends when you are older though. You never truly get to know people. Same thing goes for Cast of Characters in my life. I always go to men that are familiar to me. Men that I have known for a long time, and have possibly been with before. It’s comfortable, it’s safe. But now, after moving 2000 miles away, they are no longer readily available to me. Or if they are able to text or chat… whats the point?

Even though my sex drive is nonexistent at the moment (I NEVER thought I would EVER say that! lol); I am needing a major outlet. Perhaps I can get warmed up with past sexual experiences to write about. Lord knows I have enough of them. I need to get back into the swing of things…PUN DEFINITELY INTENDED! So sit back, pour yourself a glass of wine, and enjoy…CuriousBetty needs to get her groove back

I was 28, he was 19… we fucked like there was no tomorrow…

When I was 28, I was going through a lot of bullshit. I was in the middle of a bad separation, living with my parents, and raising my daughters as a single mom.

Still, I tried to stay positive. I loved my job, and the people I worked with, I was occasionally dating, and having flings here and there. I really couldn’t complain.

Then, in December 2003, I was getting ready for my work Christmas party. I had been texting back and forth with the guy I occasionally fucked from work. I was hoping we could hook up later, but was told that his date might not like that.

HUH?!

WHAT?!

DATE?!

I thought…Well…alrighty then. I was very disappointed, and ended up going to the Christmas party, and just drowning my disappointment by drinking a bit too much. I did have a GREAT time, but felt a bit jaded by seeing my fuck buddy with his date.

So at the end of the night, I headed to my hotel room (our job had a block of rooms for those of us who may drink too much and wanted to crash there at the hotel) and started thinking about who I could fuck.

I scrolled through my phone, and stopped at “19”.

I call him 19, because, well, he was 19 years old.
19 was a friend of my younger sister and her husband at the time. I always thought he was cute. He would hang out at my sister’s house all the time. We talked here and there, but never really much else. I don’t even remember how I had his number in my phone. I believe my sister was needing me to text him a couple weeks earlier for something, because she didn’t have her phone.

All I know is that I saved it.

So back to the night of the Christmas party.

I decided, fuck it, I am going to text 19.

I tell him to call me. He does, and I begin to tell him to come over. That I wanted to see him, and hang out. Mind you, its midnight.

It took about 10 minutes and he came to my hotel room.

We sat on the bed, talked and talked. What was strange was that he wanted to cuddle, and be affectionate. I thought it was sweet.

He asked if he could kiss me, and I said yes.

We started to kiss and make out. It was feeling so good.

We got undressed, he slowly kissed my body, got down on his knees and as my legs hung over the bed, he spread them and started licking my pussy like it was the most delicious thing he ever tasted. I was like, holy shit, this kid may be 19, but boy can he eat a pussy! I was in HEAVAN! I came SO hard from the lickin he was giving me, I just wanted his cock inside me.

I pulled him up to me between my legs, kissed him so hard, I was pulling him into me, but he wouldn’t let his cock in right away. He was teasing me with his cock. Slowly rubbing his cock on my wet pussy lips, over my clit that was still sensitive. Finally he  slowly slid his big, hard young cock into my wet pussy. At first slow and deep, then hard and fast. Oh my god, it felt incredible.

As he was pounding into me, I came again, and he came there soon after.

We laid there intertwined for a while. Just cuddling and talking. It was weird how comfortable and natural it all felt.

Within the half hour, he was kissing on my naked body and his young hard cock was ready to go again.

I was in ecstasy.

We fucked a few more times that late night/ early morning. We fucked until the sun came up.

He left around 7am. I left a little bit after. And what was most amusing to me, was that later that afternoon, he came over to my parents house, where my sister and her husband were throwing a bbq.

Talk about AWKWARD lol.

But that night was only the beginning. 19 and I fucked like rabbits for about 2 months after that, and I plan to share every detail of our intimate moments with all of you!!!

Stay tuned!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

6 months preggo, a cross country move… & I STILL want to fuck…

Not much has changed…6 months pregnant…and still looking for sex lol

It’s been the usual 2 weeks since I have had sex with the husband, again same ole same ole. It’s funny, we had a bit of a blow out a few weeks back, and I told him I wanted a divorce.

What’s even funnier is that it was all done over text messages. I had walked out of the house, because I was tired of his stupid shit. I called him out on the masturbating and oh how he loves to deny. Do guys really think we are so stupid? He recently got prescribed Paxil, and he likes to say that he can’t masturbate that much because it takes him forever to cum. I was like whatever… as the scent of his “masturbation lotion” looms in the air when he walks by. lol

So I began to wonder, if he wants to keep masturbating, because that is his preferred choice of sex, well, then, I will continue to look for my options with others. I am so over masturbating. I want the real thing. Unfortunately, being preggo limits me greatly.

I have been back and forth with GW, and he REALLY wants to see me, but it’s tough living an hour from each other. OH, not to mention the fact that now we will be moving cross country in like a week. That is DEFINITELY putting a dent on my chances of going out and having fun. All my characters live in this state!

I guess I will need to make new friends. It’s just so hard, especially because you NEVER get to know people. At least my cast of characters I have known for a good long part of my life, 10+ years or more. I don’t want anyone to fall in love with me, or become obsessed. I have a family I have to think about, so I have to make sure any new people I meet are people that are not going to want to pull a Fatal Attraction on me! You just never know!

I love the show Nurse Jackie…the idea to live a totally separate life at her job, from the one at home is genius…until the guy you are fucking follows you home lol

Anyway, like I keep saying…I suppose I will write about past conquests since I have no new ones to write about…